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Grieving
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While grieving is a very individual experience,
it also is a process that has a number of phases. Sometimes the phases
overlap, some may be skipped, some repeated. Everybody does it differently.
There's no right or wrong way to grieve.
Parents who have lost a child will carry their grief with them for the rest
of their lives. But some healing and the desire and ability to get on with
life comes over time. Since grieving is a very personal and individual
experience, there’s no “standard” length of time for it. Healing takes as
long as it takes.
In the meantime, there are things parents can do to help themselves through
this time. Spiritual and religious beliefs or philosophies may help. Beliefs
about an afterlife also may be a source of consolation.
The phases include:
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Avoidance and disbelief. When a loss is
so overwhelming, it may be necessary, at first, to take time out to break it
down into manageable pieces. Avoidance allows time to regroup, as it were,
until parents are ready to accept the loss into their lives.
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Pain. Healing comes through pain. Pain
can take the form of physical illness, forgetfulness or difficulty
concentrating, depression, anger and guilt. Feelings of guilt over things
that occurred during the pregnancy can be a way of trying to find a reason
for what’s happened. It’s important to remember that those feelings are a
natural part of the grieving process.
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Acceptance and adaptation. As parents come to accept their baby's
death and acknowledge that it has irrevocably changed them, their pain will
ease. They'll integrate the baby's memory into a meaningful place in their
lives and hearts and be ready to move on with their lives toward a different
future and a new dream.
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