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When Your Baby Is In The NICU
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Many
parents are distressed after the birth of their premature or sick baby. You may
experience many emotions including sorrow, guilt, anger and regret. Love and joy
are there, too, but sometimes the pain can overpower these good feelings.
As you face and learn to cope with your painful feelings, you will be better
able to get to know and love your baby and experience the joy of new parenthood.
The neonatologists and neonatal nurses in St. John's Newborn Intensive Care Unit
have cared for premature and sick infants for more than 20 years. The 28-bed
unit's nurse-patient ratio is dependent on each patient’s condition and varies
from 1:1 to 1:3.
For many babies, the NICU stay is like a roller coaster ride, with ups and
downs, triumphs and setbacks. Of course, the parents are also along for the
ride. The below tips can help you deal with the ups and downs.
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Need a way to keep family and friends updated on your baby's condition?
CaringBridge and
CarePages allow you to create free
personalized Web sites to connect family and friends during illness.
Coping With the NICU Experience
Give yourself permission to cry and feel overwhelmed. You may be
concerned that if you let your feelings flow, you’ll never be able to pull
yourself back together. But you will. Allow yourself to feel this release of
emotion.
Establish a routine. Find a way to balance work, home life and visiting
the hospital. Allow yourself to leave your baby's side when you feel comfortable
doing so. Your baby needs you, but it’s also important to have time to yourself,
with your partner and with your other children. Also take time to do things you
enjoy, such as exercise. These restful breaks will help you find the strength to
keep going.
Connect with other NICU parents. These parents share many of your
feelings and struggles. Share your experiences, informally or in a support
group. It’s helpful to be surrounded by others who understand what you’re going
through. Ask NICU staff if there are graduate NICU parents with whom you can
connect for support.
Explore your spiritual side. It might be helpful for you to reflect and
lean on your personal spiritual perspective. You may find comfort speaking with
a pastor, priest, rabbi, minister or imam. It is normal for this experience to
challenge your religious and spiritual beliefs. In any case, remember that
prayer, meditation or quiet reflection can help you find emotional strength and
hope, and can guide you through this challenging time.
Keep a journal. Expressing your feelings on paper can help you cope with
and move through them. A journal may also help strengthen your hope and
patience, by reminding you how far you and your baby have come.
Vent your frustrations. If your baby has a setback, you may be plunged
into fear and anxiety. Voice your fears, and hope for the best.
Celebrate when you can. When your baby makes progress, let yourself
experience the joy.
Accept the support of others. Let people know how they can best help you.
Accept that you and your partner will react differently. Share your
experiences and listen with empathy so that you each can feel supported.
Excerpted from the March of Dimes booklet, "Parent: You & Your Baby in the
NICU", written in collaboration with Deborah L. Davis, Ph.D., and Mara Tesler
Stein, Psy.D., authors of "Parenting Your Premature Baby and Child: The
Emotional Journey."
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